UPSAHL

U: It's been crazy getting to watch. There have been many artists I've been fans of who I have called to open for and watch them on the road, like do their thing and then getting in the studio with them getting like a behind the scenes. Like it is an honour. I learned so much from all of them. It's crazy. A: What's it like to see people stripped back to who they are as a person? Fans often get to know a persona or performance curated on stage. When do you feel like you see the real artists? Was that when they were behind the scenes on tour? U: I think so. I find it weird even though it is like a performance when you get moments of it watching a show. I feel when I'm putting on a show there are certain moments on stage where it feels like you're so present that you're in this like flow state like you're just in the fuckin zone, you're not thinking about anything. And to me, that is the most magical thing as an artist and fan. They could do this in their sleep, artists in their element. To see them in a proper flow state is the coolest thing ever. It's also very comforting. As a fan, you're like; we're all in this together. A: Talking of fans, your tracks you've had massive support over the past couple of years, including Jack Saunders Radio1 and huge publications. What's it like when you see them featuring your music? How do you feel in that moment when you see that support? U: I mean, it's fucking crazy. It's still is anytime something like that happens. It is so wild that other people like my music. But I think it's when you're writing, in the studio, and working on a mix, that's when the song is still yours. And then putting out music is like giving the piece to other people. It's no longer mine. Take it or leave it. Take whatever you want from it like it's for the fans. Watching fans make it their own and then watching publications or radio stations relate to it personally is so cool. A: It can be pretty vulnerable, and the emotion in your music can be so personal. How do you balance the emotions and the personal part that goes into the piece when you give them to people? Because it's pretty heavy at times. U: Definitely. In the studio, I feel lucky because the people I write with, like my co-writers and the producers I work with, are some of my best friends. So I can go in and say whatever the fuck I want. And it's embarrassing most of the time, but like they're down to write about whatever I'm going through, which is excellent. And then the fear, I guess, sets in when I decide to release a song, whether it is a super vulnerable song like "Condoms," which I put out on my last release as the B Side. Or it's like the song I'm putting out Friday, called "Wet White T-Shirt," which is all about boobs and tits and whatever. Like they're two different sides. The same for me, but both feel vulnerable to me in different ways. Because one is like, Oh, this is me, like baring my soul, I hope somebody relates to this. And then the other is like, Oh, this might piss some people off. This is too unapologetic. The fear is something that sets in after the song is done. But it's a healthy fear. Being scared to release music is what keeps me going. If you're not scared, you should be. A: As fan music has a way of encapsulating a feeling you may not have even been able to vocalise yet. How does it feel when someone feels that energy or spirit from a song? U: Expressing a feeling is the whole point of music. It sounds so cheesy, but it's there, so you feel less alone. That moment when you think, "I thought I was the only person in the world who could feel this way," and everyone else in this room screaming these lyrics feeling the same way. That is the only thing it's about. When I'm writing, especially regarding being vulnerable, I guess like sad songs. Releasing it so someone in the room can relate is everything. A: There's nothing like that moment when someone can vocalise something you've been trying to vocalise, and they do it so well, like, dammit, I wish I thought of that. You've got so much in the works, including a tour with Tove Lo, which is close. You've got festivals like you've got Reading and Leeds. It's such a good lineup as well. You must be buzzing. What are you manifesting right now? U: I mean, it's fucking crazy. Sometimes it's so easy to get into the groove of touring, traveling, and putting out music. It's all so fast. Recently, I've had to sit down and remind myself how fucking sick each of these little moments is like, each of the festivals I get to play in the next couple of weeks, like in Europe. I'm excited about the two songs I'm putting out on Friday. I'm so excited that I can put out this much music this year. It's just the little things for me, like having little check-ins with myself. There are so many things that I'm so grateful for, everything that's happening this year. I don't know what's next, but I think as long as I can keep making music, and people are still down to listen, come down to shows like, that's always been my goal. So the more I get to do that, the better. There's an album coming next year. But until then, I'll be releasing the Mix Tape and, yeah, a lot more live music. So, to keep doing what I'm doing is the goal. Words Alice Gee Photography Aubree Estrella